Hans Put on His Holiday Toupee

Hans had tried carefully to conceal the fact that he wore a toupee.  He ordered them online, never going to a store in-person.  He tried 8 different styles until he found one that was most "lifelike."  The fact that it came from the Raquel Welch "Hair U Wear" line just went to show how much he was willing to step outside of the box, finding just the right short style even though it was a women's wig.  Things were going smoothly; in fact, he convinced himself that he had yet to catch anyone's sidelong glances and eyes fluttering up to his topper. Success!

He headed assuredly to a family Christmas party where everyone remarked on his youthful appearance.  His yuletide glee rapidly deflated when, ladling spiked eggnog to hand to his Aunt Hattie, he realized she was wearing the same hairstyle.  His face fell while her's lit up.  What could he do? Quickly add a double shot of liquor into her crystal cup and hope her accusations were taken as drunken senility?  Oh, the truth had to come out.

Perhaps it was the holiday spirit that caused Hattie to grab his hand and take him into the next room.  She opened up her suitcase of a purse and pulled out a sparkly wig.

"Hans," she said with eyes gleaming, "I was going to wear this wig at the end of the night for a laugh.  You do it instead, because after all, when you come out with the truth, you might as well do it in grand style!"  Truer words were never spoken!

Hans put on his holiday toupee, took a deep breath, and bravely rejoined the party.  He also had several crystal cups of double-shot eggnog, but that's beside the point. (-;

I Will Call Myself Madonna

I had this old drawing I had done about 6 years ago and thought I would give him a makeover. However, he somehow morphed into a young Madonna.  I said to the picture, what happened here?  What is the story behind this metamorphosis?  Cue music:  "...and here's what she said to me..."  No, not "que, sera, sera," but "Get into the groove..."  and then she reminisced about a life-altering event in the local discount store in Michigan long ago:

Fifteen-year-old Madonna Louise Ciccone stared at the blue wigs in her local Woolworth's store.  She was supposed to be there to get her new school supplies for her sophomore year, but she had other thoughts in her mind such as, what was she to wear for her upcoming school yearbook pictures?  Should she dare don that bright yellow tube top staring at her from the clothing section?  It most definitely accented her newly-developed curves so it was definitely a contender.  That idea, however, was thrown out the proverbial window when she donned one of those blue wigs.  She looked at herself in the small, circular metal mirror on the shelf and was entranced--why, even Narcissus would have been jealous!  A feeling of what she should do in her future washed over her:  I will become famous world-wide, a controversial superstar, provocatively sexual, and unerringly magnetic.  And then, the bubbling fervor of self-knowledge flew forth aloud from her lips, right there in the cluttered five-and-dime store aisle she said for all to hear: 

"I will call myself...Madonna." 

The original from years ago:

"Get into the Groove"