I actually walked past this dude, but his magnetic personality pulled me back. My mind started to reel. What made this spud so smart? Was he that way right from the start when he was nothing but a sprout? Did he excel in nursery school back when he was a tater tot? Does he have more "eyes" than the average potato so he can read more vociferously? Was he able to skip grades and double-major in college so that in comparison to the average complex carbohydrate he lived two lives in one, in essence, achieving the rarefied distinction of being not just once, but rather twice-baked?
I'm sure this brown brilliance descended from Mr. Potato Head. I never realized it before, but that's why that game's emblematic head was so big--he had a lot of smarts up on top!
I initially feared this tuber was genetically-modified for brilliance, but it's packaging says, non-GMO, which I'm going to believe.
The Czech composer Bedřich Smetana, in his comic opera, "The Bartered Bride" sang this of beer:
You foam within our glasses, you lusty golden brew,
Whoever imbibes takes fire from you
Will the same happen to one who imbibes, or rather eats, these valedictorian tubers? Suddenly we will become lumpy-looking Mensa members? Ah, ha, ha! I'm going to find out! Baked brains, you are mine! Ratchet up the IQ!